just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
