they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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