from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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