she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
