remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
