Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
