I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize