the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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