You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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