he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
