Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
