Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize