a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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