college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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