atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize