i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bring me that man meat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
