So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
