there's paper in my vomit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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