Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My feet surprised me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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