He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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