I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
