I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pappa wants mamma naked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
