hotel room ftw
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
