tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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