She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize