I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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