This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
