i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
a search helicopter?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
