There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Text me some of your sweat
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
