Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
