i permit you to call me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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