dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
