Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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