No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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