OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
