The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize