Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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