Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
