I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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