Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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