STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
