This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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