At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My vagina is very pro this idea
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
