i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You've changed since you got that strap on
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
