My first STD was from a foam party
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
