I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
