So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
