he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
