you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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