what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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