he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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