i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
