My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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