Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
