DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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