i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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