I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
