ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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