I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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