just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
