Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
