i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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