i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
