So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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