hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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