the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
