i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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