I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
