The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
