You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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