I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize