Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize