His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize