Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
