I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
