How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
