Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
