The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
