I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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