I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
