i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
