yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
