it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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