It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
