This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
