you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize