This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
