You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
