in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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