Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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