pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
