he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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