even my farts smell like vagina
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
