Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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