So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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