Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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