I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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