oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I AM VODKA MAN
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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