he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
