dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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