he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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