I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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