as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
