Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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