How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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