Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
