I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
