How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
